


Talk Nerdy to Me

by Legs (InsanityRule)



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 11:52:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4058986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanityRule/pseuds/Legs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Richard tries to be a sexy rom-com boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk Nerdy to Me

Richard’s done his research.

Jared’s a romantic. Clearly. All of his Netflix recently watched titles are rom coms with grand romantic gestures and sexy scenes and well planned dates with rose petals and candles and music.

But he’s allergic to pollen so real petals are out.

But he can still make the night special.

He gets a bottle of champagne, just like the one Jared originally brought to their party, and gets two nice flutes from Erlich’s collection of nice glassware.

It’s around seven that night when he realizes he has no idea how to dress sexy.

He rushes over to the mall and flounders around the clearance racks for something that looks like he actually tried to get clothes that suit his frame.

It’s in the dressing room at the JC Penny that Richard truly realizes he’s built like a ten year old girl.

He tries on a V neck but he feels like those asshole brogrammers he hated at hooli.

It takes him an hour to find a shirt that isn’t terrible, some nice silky button down that’s blue and soft and if he ignores the part where he looks like a goober it’s not a bad shirt. The color makes his eyes look bright.

He’s already given up on having nice pants so he takes his jeans off the moment he gets home.

Richard’s running around the incubator in the nice shirt, all the way buttoned except for the top two, boxers, and tall white socks. He’s setting up nice candles and he gets out a pair of shitty speakers he can plug into his phone.

Jared gets home around nine-thirty. He enters the kitchen right as Richard turns on some Fred Astaire.

“Richard?”

“Oh hey- shit,” he burns himself on a match and knocks over one of the flutes. “Fuck, fuck me.”

“What is all of this?”

“Well, it’s… we finally had a night where,” he slaps his leg, which he is finding to be far too bare, “no one else is home, and I got some champagne and-”

“You wanted to have a romantic evening together?”

“Yeah, but-! But we still can!” He picks up the bottle and makes a point of showing Jared the label even though they both have no idea what the hell makes a good wine. He starts to twist the top, but he can’t get it to open. After some struggle he is triumphant, but the bottle was over pressurized and sprays champagne all over him. The cork goes flying and knocks over something small and breakable and Richard sits down on the floor by the sink in defeat.

“Richard,” Jared is careful to avoid the puddle of champagne as he crouches, “this was all very thoughtful of you. Thank you.”

“But it’s all a mess. I can’t even light a fucking candle.” He sniffs. “What is that?”

That, happens to be a dish rag on fire. The two frantically dump water and flour over the mixture, both assuming they’ve chosen the correct fire retardant, and succeed in putting out the fire but not without filling the kitchen with a sticky, goopy mess.

After a shower and thorough cleaning Richard is sitting on the couch with Jared while he geeks out about Chaos Theory. He’s wearing his comfiest sweater, one Jared got him when they were having unexpectedly cold weather in Silicon Valley and Richard had forgotten his hoodie.

“You know, Jared, I uh… I started an online business class.”

“Really? Am I not doing a satisfactory job?”

“No, what? No, you’re doing great… really great. But- but it helps when I know what’s going on. The last lecture went into detail about cost-benefit analysis and I wanted to get your opinio-”

His attempt to be sexy for Jared wasn’t actually a flop.

He just had to talk nerdy.


End file.
